Sometimes Love is a sin
by Oustiti
Summary: Roy can’t cope with Maes dead and finally understands what drove the Elrics to do the human transmutation, making the same mistake. Post anime,pre movie. Better then it sounds, for those who hated the movie & wish Maes didn't died. Dark theme. R
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Sometimes love is a sin**

Rain was heavily falling from above. Lightning splitting the sky as thunder roared through the night.

'Just like with them...'

The thought numbly flashed through the man's mind as his piece of chalk was tapping on the floor drawing lines and creating symbols as around him scrap papers with calculations were spread.

'I wonder...'

A hand combed through the wet raven black hair as the man looked at the marking, symbols and lines that create a circle on the ground.

_People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something._

It wasn't that he cared if he lost his leg or arm. His entire body would be more problematic of course but the thought of it still didn't scare him enough to change his mind. He was prepared to bring huge sacrifices to attain this goal. More than any other ever before. To surpass the immense sorrow he felt inside.

Nothing could calm the storm inside him anymore.

Everything was gone now anyway. He couldn't lose anything anymore.

He lightly smiled bitterly as that statement passed through his head.

How many times hadn't he mocked the little Fullmetal for being so foolish. Only to now commit the same mistake.  
It was all his fault. How could he just have left him, both of them.

Both of them had left, disappeared. Not even giving him a chance to say goodbye. But not dead. He refused to believe it, to accept it.

He grabbed one of the papers on the ground and looked through it one last time repeating everything in his mind over and over again. The ingredients, the calculations, the pattern, everything had to be perfect.

The theories of the Elric were perfect. He hadn't been able to find a single mistake in the flawless calculations. He had pondered hours and hours over it but never finding a single mistake.

He had only changed the circle here and there.  
He had thought of everything.

_'In darkness of the nigh the figure of a man was kneeled before a gravestone.  
Tears rolled down his eyes as he was soaked with rain as he bowed his head before the gravestone, where some fresh earth was spread over the grass showing that the grave had been violated. The man sat on his knees whispering over and over again as his tears mingled with the rain that fell on the grave.  
'Please forgive me' '_

The man swallowed as he felt a knot growing in his throat.  
This would be the first time he'd use it since that day.

_You must present something of equivalent value to gain something._

The man kneeled in front of the circle taking two objects out of his pocket as his wet hair and cloths still dripped on the floor.

He careful let a few black hairs fall between the other ingredients.

Next he looked at the picture he had taken out of his pocket.  
Two black haired men, dirty, scarred but smiling as the two friends grinned at the camera.

Smiling....it had been so long ago since he had truly smiled for the last time.

_That is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy._

He gently put the picture on top of the rest before he put his both bare hands on the circle.

"Please forgive me."

"I can't be strong enough to resist this. We alchemist are weak. Even knowing that we can't we cannot resist trying to use the power given to us. I can't be strong alone. I can't get there alone. I don't only need someone to watch my back I also need you to push me forwards." The man whispered his hollow eyes still looking at the picture.

"I guess that love can be a sin sometimes." The man said bitterly amused as the circle started gloving filling the entire room with the bright alchemy light.

_I haven't believed that truth of the world anymore since I was young. _

Screams were unheard through of the raging thunder.

_But for some goals you'll start believing again. If only just for one more smile, one last goodbye..._

'Please forgive me....'

xXxXxXx

**Authors note:**  
First of all: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist (if I did Hughes wouldn't have died T-T).  
Okay so this is the first chapter. Bit vague I know but I had this idea inside my head for ages.  
I got it when Roy said at Maes grave that he had been going through the human transmutation theories when he found out about Hughes dead.  
Just to be clear this is NOT yoai RoyxMaes ^^' (Not that I have anything against that and you can of course still consider it like that if you'd prefer). When saying love here I just mean real close friendship and brother like love not other kinds of love. I'm just a big fan of deep love between friends without needing to always turn out in sexual love (don't get me wrong I like the other as well but some change is in need once in a while).  
This story is happening between the end of the anime and the movie. Right after Edward disappeared, Al got back his body and after the fight with Pride when Roy's recovering.  
Either way I hope you all like this a bit, more chapters will be coming in the future (Riza, Ed, Al, Maes).  
Please R&R, this is my first FMA story I publish so be kind.

_I dedicate this story to my grandfather who recently passes away and for who, if I could, I would do the same._


	2. Chapter 2: Out of reach

**Out of reach**

"I brought you your groceries." A young woman pushed the door closed with her back as she had a pair of keys in her hand and two big paper bags, filled with food, in her arms.

She looked around in the room a little surprised by the fact that it was empty.

Usually she would be greeted by a light smirk of the raven black haired man sitting in one of the nearby couchs.

The blond shook it off as she walked to the kitchen to put away the shopping, assuming that maybe he was sleeping in today or still getting dressed.

She put ever item in its correct place, as usual, as she slightly smiled when she looked out of the window.

There had been such an awful storm during the past night but now things had finally lightened up and the sun shone brightly. The last few raindrops dripping of the roof once in a while, glistering in the late morning sun.

Storms didn't bother her. It wasn't as if she was afraid of a bit of lightning and thunder, but nevertheless she had had a very bad feeling yesterday. She couldn't quite put a finger on it but it had left her scared and worried inside.

But all those foul thoughts had passed when the bright morning came after the dark night. The confusing nightmares that had brought her in cold sweat, shooting up awake in the middle of the night with a tear stained face, had by now been forgotten.

She walked back into the living room and hung her coat while looking around the house that seemed deserted right now.

Heels clicked on the stairs as she walked up the stairs before knocking on the bedroom door and carefully pushed it open when she didn't get any answer. "Sir?" Her question staid unanswered as no-one was there.

Now it really started to intrigued her as she out of pure habit lowered her hand checking for the hidden gun under her skirt.

She decided to instead try the study as she found the door open. She walked in seeing a man sleeping with his face on the desk.  
She slightly smiled amused at the sight as she leaned against the door frame looking at the sleeping figure.

_'Well ain't that a cute sight of our little colonel. Wait I'll get my camera!' _

The woman let out a small sigh at the unexpected comparison before walking over and gently shaking the man's shoulder. "Sir?!"

The man groaned as he moved a little mumbling a few things before lifting his head and looking at the woman a little groggily.

"Hawkeye? What are you doing here?" He asked while rubbing his eyes and sitting up pushing his hair back out of his face.

"It's my day off today sir. I thought I might as well come a little earlier. I brought you your shopping. I hope you don't mind. But as you looked rather tired lately I took the liberty of doing it for you. You could still use the walk later tough."

"Mphff...yes thank you." He muttered still clearly only half awake. "How late is it?"

"Ten thirty by now sir." She said as she looked at him.

He stood up rubbing his eyes before looking at her. "Have you seen anything unusual?" He asked seeming completely serious and awake now.

"Not that I know of, what do you mean?" She asked confused.

"Nothing." He waved it off though still seeming thoughtful.

"Sir I should check on your wounds again. You still look sleepy, why don't you go take a shower and get dressed and I'll make you some breakfast and I can help you refresh your bandages afterwards."

XxXxXx

"Your wounds are healing perfectly sir." The woman said gently smiling as she finished wrapping a bandage around his chest and back.

"I told you, you have no reason to worry yourself about it Hawkeye, and stop the sir all the time. It's not necessary anymore."

"I'm sorry sir, it's a habit."

"Ah ah, what did I just say Hawkeye?!" The man tutted her lightly while starring at his hands distracted.

"Fine, Roy. But same counts for you." She said as she was rolling up the old bandages. She looked up when no immediate respond came.

A frown formed on her face as she looked at him, he seemed so distracted, bothered by something.

Roy looked at his hands still seeming in a trance. The same thoughts going through his head over and over again.

Until eventually the feeling of being observed took over on the thoughts as he looked up seeing the amber eyes looking at him attentively.

"What is it Hawk...Riza?" He asked as he sat straight again. "I know I'm still handsome but no reason to stare like that." He added jokingly while pulling his shirt back on before looking at her.

Riza rolled her eyes first before hesitated as she went serious again. "Si..Roy you look like something is worrying you. Did something happen?" She asked as she put the old bandages in the trash bin.

"No of course not. I'm just still slowly waking up." He said waving it away. "It's a perfect day for a walk in the park later on." He continued with a small smile.

She smiled a little at this before going back to treat the few cuts left here and there. In the end she had only one injury left to take care off as she reached for the eye patch on the left side of his face.

She blinked slightly surprised when he caught her wrist stopping her from looking at his eye.

"Thank you for your help but I can take care of that one myself." Roy said calmly.

"I just want to check. You eye is healing perfectly. At the end of the week you should be able to take of the eye patch and you can see normally again."

Roy looked at her in silence for a moment before he lowered her hands.  
"I won't be seeing with that eye anymore." He stated simply.

Riza blinked at him confused. "What do you mean? It is healing perfectly."

Roy sadly smiled at her. "I'm afraid it's beyond healing Riza."

Riza looked at him confused. What had happened?

"Now." He clapped his hands. "That walk you offered. I still have right on it don't I?"

Riza slightly smiled amused at this. Deciding that for now it might be best to just drop the subject as he was loudly philosophising if women would like the eye patch.

XxXxXx

"Sir..."

Roy turned around as he looked at the Riza with a small smile. "What did I say?"

"Roy..." She repeated not looking in the joking mood but deadly serious instead.

"Yes what is it?" He asked calmly dropping the jokes.

They were slowly walking through the park as a black and white dog happily was chasing some butterflies around a bit a head of them.

"..." Riza looked down, he wouldn't like this but she needed to know. "Roy... what happened to your eye?" She asked as she had stopped walking and she looked at him waiting for an answer.

His smile faded as he looked at her, standing still as well. "You shouldn't worry about that." He said eventually.

Riza staid quite for a moment as she looked at him. She knew him for too long by now not to notice.  
All those hours he would pass looking at his phone as if waiting for that one call.

"Did you lose anything else?" The question cut like a knife between the two.

Roy had a small amused smile. That woman was really amazing. How she knew him well. How she paid attention to everything with the eye of a hawk.

_Just like he had. _

"Did you?" She repeated her question, worry clear in her voice.

"You needn't worry, I still have all my limb." He answered as lightly as possible for such a subject.

Riza frowned clearly not convinced.

"I lost nothing else beside myself and my self-confidence lieutenant." He said breaking the silence again.

Riza bit her lip as she looked at him. She couldn't find any words...

A long silence follow as neither of them dared to speak.

"I am going to the north." He said eventually as he was looking at the late afternoon sky.

Riza looked up taken completely by surprise by this. "What?"

"I need to think. I need complete peace and quiet." He said as stood up and turned his back to her and started walking back to the car.

_I need him. Both of them. _

xXxXxXx

**Authors note:**  
Bwhaha. Chapter two.  
So what did ya guys think? X3 I solved 2 probs at once! Ya can fit this story in between the anime and movie perfectly! I found a reason for the eyepatch to stay and a payment for the human transmutation. Less then the others did pay ^^' but ow well who cares. And go Riza she's smart. ^^ Please let me know what you think. Next chapter will be in this style again but from there on it's going to be much darker, be warned. Please R&R you know you want to, thank you and happy holidays for those who have them.


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